A mommy’s fear…

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Emily @ 6 months looking a little frightened by something! Such a cutie!

This morning, Anna just informed us (rather loudly) that she didn’t want to use our upstairs potty anymore because it’s too big.  She said, “AHHHH!  No Mommy!  I fall in the big potty!  It’s too big!  AHHHH!”  Now, please know that she has been using this potty since we moved to this house in May and hasn’t had a problem with it until now.  Luckily, we have a “smaller” toilet downstairs, and she feels comfortable using it.  🙂  However, it got me thinking of different fears I have and how I deal with or have dealt with them.  I don’t yell and scream like Anna or other young children may, but there are some fears that have taken over my thoughts and at times, have kept me awake at night!  I have chosen to be completely transparent about this, praying that God would continue His work in me in overcoming this particular  fear, so please if you want me to be fake, you may want to stop reading… Right Now!!  🙂

Probably the biggest fear I have is dying while my children are young.  While I’m totally not afraid of dying and rest securely knowing my eternal home is in heaven with Jesus, I fear for what I leave behind in this world.  Two little girls without a mommy and a husband whom I love with all my heart and can’t imagine my life without.  I think the intensity of this fear really got the best of me this past summer (2010) when I started a journal for my girls and a recipe book for Josh.  Every time I would write or clip another recipe, I would shed at least one tear.  I kept rationalizing that it was just “good planning,” but if I would have really searched my heart, it was fear.  Now that I have honestly identified my thoughts and feelings and have asked the Lord’s help in this area of my life, I have seen how He has taken this fear from me.  I may still struggle with this at times and continue to ask Josh to get our will finished, but hey, I’m a work in progress relying on God’s grace to carry me!  🙂

Psalm 34:4, “I sought the Lord, and He answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.”

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7 thoughts on “A mommy’s fear…

  1. ellen fowler

    Beautifully written once again 🙂 Our fears are always very real but when we can get to the place of actually realizing them and giving them to the Lord we remove the power they have over us. Never be afraid of being real, I think more people should be real.
    I remember early on in my walk with the Lord I would look at other christians and thought they had everything all together and never struggled with anything and felt very much alone. I’ve always struggled with fears of rejection and God has been very good to me to show me how much He loves me and always leads me back to His word that say’s He will never leave me or forsake me. I say all that to say that when we give Him our fears He is always faithful to reassure us of who He is and how much He loves us and relieves our fears.

    • Victoria Gooding

      Ellen, Christa does write so beautifully, as she has an incredibly beautiful heart. I’m so proud of her: a strong woman, an excellent mother, a devoted wife and a loving daughter to me. Also…I thank God that YOU are her mother-in-law, so supportive and caring; she couldn’t have possibly asked for better!

  2. Victoria Gooding

    As your very fallible mom, I know fear quite well. With all of the stupid mistakes I’ve made in my life, mine has come in the form of guilt, fearing that I had made so many mistakes that no one would ever accept me again. How wrong I’ve been, as God has proven time and time again that He loves me, incredibly so. He has always had a plan for my life, even if it was to show others what NOT to do, lol. Even if other people don’t want to be around me, I see that as their problem, not mine; I refuse to take on that guilt anymore. I’m loved!

    • You are absolutely loved! 🙂 While our mistakes may have varying consequences here on Earth, God sees our sins the same. His grace carries us towards a deeper understanding of what it is to love and be loved. So grateful for God’s grace!! 🙂 We LOVED having you this weekend! 🙂

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