So, the during this last week, I was in Reading, PA for the Penn-Del MinistrieSummit (basically a conference for pastors and spouses). My wonderful in-laws volunteered to watch the girls, so Josh and I could go by ourselves. Of course, this sounded like a great idea… 3 months ago!! However, as the date came closer and closer, I began to “miss” the girls before I was even gone. In fact, Monday night (we left Tuesday morning), I was up until 2 am worrying about leaving the girls. My worries had nothing to do with whom I was leaving them, it was simply leaving them, missing them. You see, I still struggle with worrying about Anna and Emily and their welfare if something would ever happen to both Josh and me.
However, God has a great way of directly and indirectly teaching me about specific things I’m dealing with, and I’m thankful that He allows me to be sensitive to His voice. My pastor, Paul Grabill (from State College A/G church), is struggling with cancer and it’s complications. He mentioned in one of the services that, “You can’t scare a Christian with heaven.” He also said, “God is bigger than the issues I leave behind on this Earth.” Another young pastor who is 28 years old with two young kids was diagnosed with an incurable cancer felt God speaking to him concerning his mortality and shared it with the us in the congregation. This is what he felt God speaking to him: “You call on me for help to raise your kids. You ask for guidance, peace, and direction. What makes you think I [God] can’t help to raise your kids without you here? While you are important in the lives of your kids, you aren’t more important than I am.” Whew… Talk about speaking to me right to MY soul! Too often, I feel I am the most important part of the equation. WRONG. God is. His leading, His direction, His plans. While I know I can have a huge impact on my girls’ lives, I know God’s guidance, character, and plans are much better than my own.
Although I know this is still something I will continually deal with, I trust God will keep reminding me that “His ways are higher than mine.” I don’t have to worry about tomorrow or how my girls will “turn out” because God has everything under control. My job is to simply be obedient. 🙂
“When I said, ‘My foot is slipping,’ Your love, O Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, Your joy brought consolation to my soul.” Psalm 94: 18&19